", 92. George Carlin. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. They own you. 234. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. This cookie is used for email services. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. ", 38. It will not be with jack-boots. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. They dont want to hear from you. ", 63. 43. But dont participate; it will be your death. I like people who buck the system. ", 66. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? "What if there were no hypothetical questions? "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. "I have lots of ideas. This cookie is native to PHP applications. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. We havent tried that for a while. This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. How do school teachers handle this? Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. So I don't trust none of them. ", 59. They don't want to hear from you. ", 85. ", 98. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. When a . Forget the politicians. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. You have owners. Enter your email address below then click "FOLLOW" to receive email notifications of new posts. ", 103. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. JIM STAFFORD. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' It's so f**kin' heroic. It will not be with jack-boots. Weve added years to life, not life to years. Because you have the illusion of choice. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. ", 91. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? They own everything," the quote reads. You have owners. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". You know what the motto for this country ought to be? AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. ", 77. The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. He loves you, and He needs money! George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. ", 9. LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. ", 64. They don't fall out of the sky. ", 113. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. You and I are not in The Big Club. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. This is the best we can do folks. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. ", 8. ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. But once youre born, youre on your own. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. Join. "In America, anyone can become president. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? 44. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Thats all it is. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. I think. Well, we know what they want. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. ", 112. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. Yeah, the public sucks. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. ", 55. It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech.  Now having somewhat successfully established my Press credentials and ", 87. ", 13. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? At all. George Carlin. They own you. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. George Carlin. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. - Doc Holliday. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. That doesnt help them. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. - George Carlin. The game is rigged. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". ", 11. It doesn't matter what side you're on. Carlin is usually spot on. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. ", 46. No nothing. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! They dont care about you at all. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago They've got you by the balls. Everybody complains about politicians. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. ", 33. Fascism won it. They own everything. But, he is wrong here. They should be more vivid. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ", 40. You don't. You have no choice. ", 90. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. (LogOut/ Thats against their interests. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. And complaining about the politicians. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. You don't. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

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