When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. It's a long story. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) They will be able to compare the different aspects of their life with and without your presence in it. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. You are about to put a lot at stake here. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. Several reasons exes may contact you are below. If you just went on a date and he responds 3 days after, he might be following an old dating rule to make you more interested in him. Its . Outside the bedroom, you werent compatible at all. Always so grateful. In all honesty, there is no "after no contact" as no contact is . Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. If we cross paths I will thank her otherwise I am letting this one go. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? But that doesnt mean the deeper connection between them would disappear just like that. Perhaps they dont have the energy to get to know another person from scratch, to reach the level of ease and intimacy that you shared. You are not the first one to deal with this adverse state of affairs. I've never really had the desire to reach back into the past, but I have to say it's been nice to remember how different I was when I was young and laugh at myself. Somepossible reasonsfor rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates. Youve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so whats the motive? But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. The expectations are usually running wild when you have not moved on completely. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? TL;DR: Yes, because our break-up needed closure. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, whether you think your ex can make a good friend, how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup, and how much respect you have for your ex, how your familys doing (not to be mistaken for an indirect approach to break the ice), how you perceive your ex and feel about him or her, Your ex could also be very direct and say . That was all he wanted and said hes glad Im ok, never heard from him since. We cover topics you'd find helpful like how to recover after an ex reaches out, how to set boundaries after a breakup, and why ex contact can be so . While I was in I met my now ex while she was going to college, we really hit it off and dated for 3 years. If the relationship ended bad, let's say cheating involved or constant arguing while together I'd say let it lay and don't bother. We dont often think about emotional labor as work, but it IS indeed work. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. Society typically tells us that people don't change. People change over time, relationships shift, and priorities and interests shift as well. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. When an ex contacts you years later, just seeing their name pop up on your phones screen is going to set off fireworks in your brain. How many do, I don't know. And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? Thats why he or she breaks the rules of no contact that he or she has been following religiously and gives you some of your power back. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! Before you type out an elaborate text asking for an explanation, pause and think about your life right now. For context: I broke up with my 1st boyfriend who I dated for 5 years about 10 years ago. Getting an outside opinion from someone can prevent this thing from venturing into the tricky territory of hot-and-cold and help you maintain the blissful life you have been leading since the breakup. Reach out because youd like to reconnect to see where someone is at in their life, to share a memory of past times, or offer a show of support and caring. He has a wife and two adorable girls now and Im happy for him. I was living about 1.5 hours away at the time, had moved away even before our break-up. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because he's stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. | Wants your help with something. I'd been warm and affectionate with him, but except during sex (we were each others first), I never said I loved him. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. They do whatever it takes to reconnect with an ex because their ex can make them feel better. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. By the looks of it, you dont have a lot of respect for her, so you want to keep moving on without her. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. They were also more likely . If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. These may be friends, family members, and love interests whom they may have wounded emotionally or with whom they fell out and its totally normal to want to find a way to resolve longstanding issues and gain a sense of peace. Do you like how your life looks without your ex? Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. In this response, you're being vulnerable and expressive of your feelings. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. 1. The moment you hear from your ex, you probably wont know what your ex wants from you. Thanks to you, I got myself together :)) Youll probably experience a flood of emotions when you get that message, so getting an objective opinion will help you look at things from a different perspective and make the right decision. In such situations, it is important to understand that the ex is texting when the ex feels like it. Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. HD01;:, Siddartha (Dhritiman Chatterjee) is forced to discontinue his medical studies due to unexpected and brutal death of his father. She even made accusations towards me after the first month of our no contact to add salt to the wounds. Tell them that your ex is trying to reach you. When you receive a response to Why did you reach out, discern if your ex means what he or she says by paying attention to your exs attitude. They dont want to hear how youre doing through the grapevine. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isnt what anyone wants. When you know why he or she reached out, youll be able to decide whether talking to your ex is even a good idea. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. My ex had these things to say to me after our relationship had ended over five years earlier. Its up to you. Might even make it a little easier to connect with my kids. (in 1997 she broke off an engagement she was 22 and I was 28). But if youre with someone else and feel happy, you can respond and see what triggered his nostalgia. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about them. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. Definitely not. Katie writes, "Hi Susan! A whopping 62 percent of married folks in her study wound up having an affair with their ex even though they didn't reach out to them with any such plan in mind. It took a bunch of direct messages to make it very clear that I dont want to contact him, Ash, a 31-year-old activist, tells us. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. You are moving on and they are jealous. They're Looking For An Ego Boost Unfortunately, the knowledge that you're there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. Or maybe you both ended things mutually and somehow stayed out of touch for years. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! [9] It can be a shock to get a random text or phone call from your ex. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. The Teaser Trailer For Daisy Jones & The Six Just DroppedHeres Everything We Know SoFar, The Best Dating Sites and Apps: Complete List of the Top Online DatingPlatforms, Best Hookup Sites: Top 30 Free Hookup Apps and Websites for Getting LaidTonight. My ex contacted me after 10 + years. If youre looking to get them back, your imagination must be running wild. He cheated on me more than once and I developed trust issues. No matter how you both ended things, try not to respond to the text immediately, even if its a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur. I will stay in a chaotic state of mind until I find out what they want after all these days.. When exes come back after no contact, it startles you for a second. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. When were young, we think we know it all and even if we were more timid or reserved, most of our teen-aged selves had a set of friends who got us, even if we were still figuring out who we were. Let me know what your plans are in the comments below. I reached out to let him know, and asked if he'd like to meet up in person for a bit, that I wanted to see him and also apologize for how things had gone down. When your ex reached out, your ex was focusing solely on the present moment and merely wanted your understanding, reassurance, encouragement, and compassion. It helps us feel less alone and like were among others when we do video calls, but they also can drain energy when youre also spending long days on work video conferences. So much was tied up inside because of a difficult home life, hadn't learned yet to really let all that flow out. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. The relationship might not be the most exciting in the world, but after several fiery encounters with people who dont accept them for who they are, they realize theyd rather be with someone they can be themselves around. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. If you stay in no contact (and you should), youll recover in a matter of days (most likely). Basically, he sent me a very long email (that's his way of communication.) It may seem a bit strange to ask your ex that, but dont worry about that. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. You might know this from what you have heard from your mutual friends. Such dumpers often get nostalgic, hurt, and depressed so they contact an ex they used to be close to and come running back faster than greased lightning. If the dumper realizes your worth, he or she could learn to respect you again and make you into the most valuable person in his or her life. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. What role are they going to play? "Crossing the X Date would be unprecedented," Akabas said. You can also use the online chat. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. I know ex wanted me back at first, but I didn't want that. That doesnt, however, mean that you should talk to her, keep getting closer, and abandon your wife. A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. My ex messaged me after a year. After 6 months of balance to initiation of conversation, she stopped getting in touch. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. However to say a rocky marriage would be an understatement. We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. Its imperative that you learn why your ex reached out after so many years so that you know what to do with your ex. For some strange reasons, exes seem to pop up when were at our lowest, making it easy to forget about how terrible the relationship was and give in to their charms. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. Im not talking about questions about your exs life, but rather about his or her reasons for reaching out. The good thing about it is that you get to decide whether you want her in your life or not. By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. The most harmless case might be that your ex-partner is just checking in on you to learn how you are doing in life. Yes, I reached out to my first love. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. The tests may show that the baby is active and healthy, and the amount of amniotic fluid is . One such conundrum hits us when our exes come back after no contact and we are clueless about how to respond. An ex could disappear by ignoring you or by ending the conversation and staying out of contact afterward. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. Often, urges to contact an ex may come up at the end of an unhealthy relationship and not for healthy ones. If youre feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by your ex contacting you, speak to a trusted friend or family member. For many adults, that can fuel the attraction to Facebook friends from high school daysthey remind us of a time when we were more self-assured than we might be now, more carefree, and probably with a greater sense of agency in our lives. So before you take your ex back, make sure your ex wants you for you and not just because your ex can benefit from you and rely on you emotionally. I took the blame at the end of the year, entirely, when she was seated behind me, I decided to reach out. I just mean that we still had feelings for a long time.) Perhaps you could lend me an ear?. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. They started dating in 2003 when they were in university. She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. You are busy. It makes them feel so inadequate, they want to see if they can disrupt it. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. Theres also a chance that your partner has asked what youd do if your ex resurfaced. My ex and I are talking again, can this lead to something more complicated? He was enraged and hurt me by yelling at me in anger and with the things he'd said. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. He'd called when I wasn't home, and I never returned his phone call. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. They might just want to be friends with you, if youre open to the idea. Now that theyre dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, theyve got no one else to turn to. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. Is there any ulterior motive? If youre longing to give a friend or an ex a call and you havent spoken to them in years, give it a try! They may sincerely hope to reconnect with you and get back together even though it might not look like that on the surface. Heartbreak Burnout. Shes blocked me off everything , moved twice now. Exes dont always want to get back together after reaching out. Something bad must have happened to her that made her want to clear he conscience. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit.

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