He cheated on me once and the second time I still think he did but he’s to this day denied this…. You have to do this for YOU! As I had seen him earlier in the shop. I’ve had enough therapy in my life (my mother is a narc) that by the time I started dating this guy, my foundation of self-esteem and self-worth were already well established. She can now destroy someone else. Hey jenny you up? He of course deflected the whole thing onto me and said i was of course jealous and possesive (crazy) and if he see’s this girl in the street when he’s out with me he wants to be civil and say hi because she never did anyrhing wrong. Well this has been an interesting read, thanks everyone. Don’t do it to yourself. My mind keeps playing the game of wanting to know if he reached out vs knowing that it will pull me back. If not make it that way. Let’s go out to dinner and talk about it. he chased.did no contact. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself. She was very verbally abusive toward me, and became more so as her secret relationship with her boss intensified. Hung up. He is 55 and I am 49. (Cutting up my pictures. If you have a gmail account it says it will go to spam. I never thought he’d give up on me. I agree with Eileen W, the info about not taking “No” for an answer was critical info for me. It’s incredibly hard, but in the end you will find yourself again . I informed my co-workers that I am not available to see him or take his calls. Everyone says to change my number, but he would show up at my home, or my work … and I have had my cell number for over 20 years, has this man not taken enough from me? She asked me to go to the psychiatrist with her and I did. then throw you out like yesterday’s garbage and then go after a new victim. I’ve reconnected with many of my friends he bad-mouthed in the past (and I stayed under the radar with them as I just couldn’t handle the drama). If you tell him you’re blocking him, you are initiating contact with him. Please read these comments and equip yourself, ..for if the time comes to never ever I woke up next morning to my man just getting home at 7 am. But that message just confirmed and validated that no contact is the best way to move on and get my life back. Saying no I’m good! It’s all about her and always has been, but I just wasn’t smart enough at the time to realize it all. Lied to me 3 times through out the week to avoid hanging out with me. Once i woke up and saw that all the pushing buttons the crap was all done on purpose my getting over it was rapid it meant that it had nothing to do with me and by the way we could be anyone we are not special mine well not mine but this one was jealous of me and i didnt know until tbe end his self hatred and self loathing was so deep . Then do the pity play. I want to go no contact but I’m so scared. I searched out this subject and came across this in my google search. NO MORE!!! Move, if she won’t stay away. After the phone call ended, we all went to grab something to eat, then went to the movie. Time and time again she would follow her ex on Instagram. I’m finally realizing that I have to stay away and go No contact with her. It was gross. All the times I’ve spent with him, he was secretly thinking in his head ‘how can I bring this bitch down and keep her there’. It’s exhausting. He was king of silent treatment and gaslighting. He tells me since your house is all done with new appliances .. How about my house??? Block them from everything an anything!!! I did break the no contact rule for a day but am now doing it again thankful to this article. He has controlled and manipulated me for the past 10 yrs. Before that I had been trying to be helpful but kept the emails to indifference and to the point about his mail. But then again, he doesn’t seem to feel anything. JavaScript is disabled. am afraid of the unknown. Not sure what to make of this. I did that for my healing not caring that he would just use that to make me look more crazy, “K”- we have a two year old daughter together.. And I realize now that she was just an excuse for him to come to the house and for me to give him attention.. He spends every waking moment on fb on his smear campaign smearing my name. This is a game and your Narcissist is only interested in winning. I’ve written a few blogs on it. help! He is not my reality. 5. I have a lot more social engagements now than ever before. This is probably his last ditch effort to contact me, or try to control me. That was Saturday. I love that he keeps reinforcing to me exactly who he is. I am not responding and every time I feel like I want to I have to read things like this to remember what this really is. What is wrong with me to be attracted to these men? It puts a real strain on our relation with FIL. This is not imaginary. There has been no contact for 6 months. Perhaps we can do it another time”, and give you the space to go and see to your own stuff. I deleted and unfollowed him from everything. he started throwing accusations at me. Do you expect me to turn my back on a friend when they need my help? LOL. Had the revelation about 48 hours ago. They are so insecure they have to keep checking to reassure themselves that they made the right decision. I feel as though I wasted my youth on a man who can never really love me. He contacted me every 3-4 Mo without me replying. Your hating them doesn’t mean a thing to them. I finally developed the courage to tell my mom how he really treated me and shes called the wedding off… however now his family trying to tarnish my reputation in the community! All that will happen is more abuse and you getting dragged down. He has dropped off my belongings to a family member’s home (only to complete junk – he has the quality items still) He’s text me a few times, with the last text being a farewell text. He would say that he never run me down, shouted at me or swore at me but it was abuse because he tried to isolate me and make me doubt my own mind while playing Mr Perfect and showering me with expensive gifts, weekends and holidays as well as making my life easier by me ‘not having to work so much.’ One day I just though, ‘Is this what I think of myself, that I can let someone do this to me?’ And I decided to change I realised that my husband was probably a narcissist too and I just spend most of the marriage making excuses and after the break up trying to get along with him despite verbal and emotional abuse. I cannot get over the narcissist. With another female too. You may have thought you were getting to know each other through the exchange of information, but really what was going on was that your narcissist was engaging in something much more sinister. If it’s to move on then you can heal and have a better chance of finding happiness with someone else who doesn’t manipulate or play mind games. But this kept happening every other few days .. And then he would tell him you’re the type of girlfriend that won’t do anything for me when he’s upset about something. Dammm narcissist’s! The following documentation on the use of body fluids in hoodoo spell-casting comes from "Hoodoo - Conjuration - Witchcraft - Rootwork," a 5-volume, 4766-page collection of folkloric material gathered by Harry Middleton Hyatt, primarily between 1935 and 1939. My gut would always be chilled by that and I should have followed it along time ago. Then it’s back to the same ole, same ole. It’s borderline psychotic. No man wants to be with you!” which was a huge sign that not only should i have left sooner but there was never any hope in the relationship. When will the madness end! Forgive yourself for letting this happen to you (I felt so much resentment towards myself and I know it’s a hard one to admit). When I did this as an exercise during counseling I was able to stand on the other side of the fence if you will, and look at the situation with new eyes. Good luck to you and thank god for this website! True freedom here I come. If a Narcissist pulls the lever and gets what he wants all the time, he’ll pull it whenever he has a desire to. I sought out this article at least ten times now thru my journey and it helps every single time. To my knowledge, still with her, too. Convinced me that I needed mental help and that my walls were up from my childhood. I literally felt like I was texting a guy I met off a dating app, much less an ex that had just recently dumped me and was trying to get me back. Narcissists are massively insecure and fear rejection, Psychopaths aren’t insecure and they don’t care if you leave them. Everyday I try to just keep focused and try not to think about everything becasue to be honest when you in releationship like that it hunts you and it’s hard not to think about all you been through. It was amazing to see the tactic switches happening… exactly as you described above. At that point I knew I had to get away and leave this crazy guy alone because he had been telling me lies this whole time. I was so proud of that and doing pretty well and finally starting to be happy again. again I was lies to. He expected for me to help him with his house because he expected for me to do stuff for him in return of what he did for me. The police and RCMP have both told him to leave me alone, the courts have told him to leave me alone, but he still tries. I caught her in so many lies. I believe I am half way through stage 3. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his teen son nor his mother. Well, if he abused you, he will certainly do it again. He asked my mom to join him in a session. But looking back he was Not as detailed as he should have been to rest my broken heart. Back in August, we talked about cheating and over 20% of you shared that you'd be cheated on. When i didn’t go with his plans, always centered around him, i would get berated with “thats why nobody likes you” and “you USED to be cool” kind of statements. He ended up ghosting me and moving right on to the next, while proudly showing off on social media. You really need to think that through and only you can give yourself the answer. I would obviously confront her and she would say that ” she would do it to spite me and to see if I can trust her “. When they leave and don’t come back you are one of the lucky ones. Once they have new supply they do leave us alone but only for a short time as once the novelty had worn off they will be knocking on our door…, Told the N not to contact me for any reasons at all & after 4 months he still has the cheek to email me & asked if he calls me, will I talk to him? I ended up taking a job a few hours away and would drive home on weekends to see him, and he would say I must be cheating on him and that I didn’t love him, and one weekend I couldn’t see him because my pet was dying, and he made it all about him. The best way to see a narcissist’s true face is to reach the point in which you realize that he is able to completely and mercilessly destroy you. He literally was ruining my life. The Misses and I have been NC for six months now. I stopped him and didn’t respond but was polite and then told him I had to go as I was busy, he still tried asking me stuff about my holiday… I was polite but said I had to go. I’m no good at expressing myself through writing but I was wanting some of ur advice please. He said he was going to set me on fire and harm my family (who says that???) Absolutely so true that I broke out laughing, but it is also dead serious because that is exactly how it works and I can see how it will end if I bite–right back to the way things were. Any advice is greatly appreciated, because I am at a loss for what to do. I listened to her lies. I’ve not only had to block him, but his harem as well b/c of the lies he tells others. He also got me pregnant to trap me, which I lost sadly but at the same time probably a blessing in disguise. I have definitely learned my lesson here. And for the first time I have the strength to hold my head up high and not even greed him, no dirty look, no nothing. I was married to a Narc. drives me crazy. I have gone absolute no contact with my ex narcissistic, cutting out their supply after abuse via Facebook private messages and in public. He uses her to pull my heart strings..in the past when I didn’t want to talk to him..he would send me pictures of her..saying that he missed us..he misses his family..and I would fall for that..and I would let him see her..he would spend 5-10 mins with her..then he wanted to have sex with me then go back to ignoring me..I know now that he don’t care anything about her and will use her to try to get my attention… But yeah…he is trying to keep tabs on me because since I haven’t talked to him..he probably thinks I have somebody else so yeah..he’s freaking out…. In fact, her refusing closure to me is abuse because I’ve been crying and begging and this hurts worse than any of the other abusive things she’s ever done to me. My best advice to anyone going through this is to listen to what your friends and family have to say and always stick with your gut instinct. This is exactly what my ex narc is doing now. This is spoken to me as well as to you. Of course I hadn’t and though I had remembered it was his birthday I didn’t let him know that. I need you and I’m not giving up on us. Everything above is 100% correct. One morning I was walking out the door for work and she got out of bed to hug me and wish me a safe day. And I checked my spam messages sure enough. Like the article says, she lured me back one month after she left. Like for one example after seeing her bf at her place, I told her that if she is seeing or dating someone else, then Im happy for her and we can stay as friends(my mistake) , she responded by saying that she is not dating anyone yet which ofc is a lie and I ve finally realized that I had seen way so much more than enough after her constant lying that I came to a point in my life that enough is enough. When his bad mood would arise he would talk and text me putting me down so much .. We finally made up but he took zero responsibility and told me he treated me the way he did because of my behavior. He’s flying 1500 miles to on a trip here help me so I return to sender and go total black out what if he shows up at my house. We are now back in an active divorce which will go on into the new year. You see, I am in retirement but don’t officially end my career until three years from now. Last night he said good night, love you. Being naive, and so in love, I tried to be everything and do everything he wanted, but not a day could go by without him accusing me of horrendous things and criticizing me for hours. We have been separated since 2012 so I am well removed emotionally and last year August bumped into my childhood sweetheart from 30 years back. I need to do this for my sake and for the sake of my daughter! Problem is, I love him by but I don’t like him. He is in the public eye and has a survival story out there. And while I enjoy it, I still have that nagging longing inside of me. Whenever we finally talk again his apologies are always very veage and not sincere at all. Sleeping pattern changes considerably from the norm. That was when she was contacting her lover by text or phone. Leaving my narcissist ex has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Thank God I found out before too late. If the relationship was healthy and positive and you both made a mistake by splitting up, then go for it. Who friggin’ cares? This article has been so invaluable to me. after 5 horrible yrs. Despise I was best at school my mother only look after my two sisters.In the end even my father said please leave because she will finish you off.I run away from my country and came to Australia.and of course married and divorced narcisist.My narcisistic sister both rich my parents provided for them a lot has been nice only when I was giving.After my father died took me for my inheritance and all my stuff.I finally see what happened in my life.It was like a fog with nothing just pain.So sad.I’m on NC.and don’t want to see them .Family house which was fathers wish I will have its slowly rotting away.But I want give them power of attorney any more. He doesn’t want to be here, it just looks good on his resume of bull shit I’ve been looking this subject up all weekend and here it is. I took a restraining order out on him(11 ROover 11 years). I wish I could make myself go no contact, but I can’t! When he pulls the lever and never gets rewarded, he will learn quickly that pulling the lever gets him nowhere, so he’ll just stop. He’s contacted my family (some of whom still think he’s so great). I left a thriving business and loving community that took me ten years to build. I’ve never in my life had to beg for closure and being in and out of a relationship for over a year. God help me and I pray for others who are trying to get out of one of these situations. Meanwhile ive been living with a monster of a person. Don’t worry about a thing because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you generous loving people. So what if we try reverse psychology? My children, my career.. Oh I might feel a difference for a while; but it would never truly be different. That is why you need this confession spell for a cheating lover to make them confess any cheating activity that they have been doing behind your back. I thought maybe his charm will work on some other girl and ur can be her problem but I can’t seem to just say goodbye without a motive or excuse. It was so hilariously transparent. I addressed it to her and she decided to blame me for making this profile of her. He has so many pictures of me & texts that was between the two of us in his phone and I feel like if he gets mad that might be the first thing he use to hurt me. For 3 months I made him stay away … to prove he could stay sober and get a job. This morning however, I asked him how many women today did he call sexy or how many women is he now in contact with. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but in retrospect I do find it telling how such a gift will inspire conversation back onto him. Looking back now, I think there was another girl. He suddenly became distant. I picked this time (due to the coronavirus) knowing he would be going crazy with nothing to do. So then she told me that for my insolence, she will get petty revenge. Is it to get him back or is to heal yourself and move on. Well, soon it set in. But you will get there. What Savannah said is so true.. All of the hurt and anger and pain. I divorced them both but cannot get free….They are now allies with similar frustration with my recovery and ability to no longer be coerced and to no longer fight. It just feels like such a large group to go no contact with though I have been successful for nearly a year with only one slip up. So.. when I gravitated to another narc ( surprise) and MARRIED him – I thought I could handle him. I’m happily married with two children but my narcissist keeps popping up. sekou kasimu wrote on Iyanifa Ifayemi's profile. It’s very hard to get out so I would say if you see signs of a guy being an N go the other way trust me!!! go 100 no contact or they will play on your kindness then suck you back. This is the exact way he talks. How sick is that? I myself sometimes feel I need to vent becasue I been through so much but my prayers go out to all the people who been with an N and that’s with an N. Please get out now before you destroy and mess up your life and happiness becasue all those N want to do is destroy you and half the time if your beautiful independent and got a lot going for yourself they would definitely do they best to mess up your entire your life just for the thrill and they won’t care at all or feel bad this is a game to them and once your in it. You are NOT going no contact when you stalk his FB page to ‘see where’ his head is at. It’s been 4 days. That didn’t work, the next time I ignored him, that made him worse as he would think I was too arrogant. I think you should do the same too. He claimed he didn’t see how he was putting in no effort after I laid out multiple examples… ha. I hope this is the last breakup I ever go through with him. I know I deserve better and I’m tired of letting someone make me feel different. Please help. But I realized if I see messages from him, I’ll go back to this. He convinced me I was the one who was causing the problems (no sex, arguments, stress) The breakup took it’s toll – stomach aches – so much pain. Learn how your comment data is processed. He would tell me how it was all my fault that I couldn’t get my daughters and him to become family-oriented.. And that he was gonna find someone who was gonna love him the way he wanted and deserved to be loved since I was incapable of it. I never said anything to him bc I started planning my escape. She had lied to him and me, so again Im so done w/ her and moved on and feel alot better. I always long for him to realuse what hes doing but he blames me on everything. It’s just so middle school. He’s so hot, etc.”. I am so thankful to find this site. I am just gaining the courage to walk away from my N after 3 years of settling for crumbs but being too emotionally invested to see it for what it was. Always so nice and sweet and kind for the first week or so, inviting me over, cooking dinner for me — then goes back to the same old crap, accusing me of horrible disgusting behavior with every man I’ve ever known. again!! SGS both NPD and Antisocial Personality Disorder are both cluster b disorders which means they have some traits in common. I want him to regret and feel the terrible pain he has put me through. All of this all happened throughout our relationship. They’ve tried sentimentality – that didn’t work, so now they’ll try the connection tactic and your phone goes off again. My son now hates him. Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion. I showered then dozed off for about an hour and a half. Save yourself. Ignore him, block him everywhere, stop looking at his social media, or the other women’s profiles, no need to talk over it one more time, no need for closure (you will never get that until you close that door forever). Add properties and financials and it get to be a real mess. I was a complete mess, I was destroyed mentally, emotionally and even physically – I felt extremely exhausted. because even the devil himself will go to church with you, just to deceive you! So don’t fall for it. NO CONTACT, concentrate on healing. So I sujested 4 him to go get us something sweet He said he was home sleeping, I drove past his house and saw he was not there. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that now things will be on your terms, because any change in their behavior would be short lived. If they tell you you’re changing and it seems like the life has been sucked out of you, please listen to them. He lies and manipulates. Good luck. This was spot on! Tonight he tried to add me on Instagram. And the fact you are over them. Then he started emailing. My mom finally agreed with me that this is exactly his personality. No contact 3 weeks… and feels great already! It’s really easy. You’ve wanted to hear and feel that this man really loves you throughout your entire relationship and here it is. She started to pursue me just after I got out of rehab. Although one of the characters is never DESCRIBED as a Narcissist, the behavior patterns scream Narc. Now she’s visiting my parent’s which she never did to get her fix, or something on He has had me to a point where I felt so weak, emotion all and crazy. The psychiatrist asked her to leave the room for a minute, that’s when the Doctor warned me about her and told me I needed to get out any way possible that my life is danger. because you have love and are normal. The next day she said if she wanted to work things out and that she would drop this guy. He is now with the girl he cheated on me with becasue she willing to put up with his crazy ass I guess he brained washed her so much that she stays she stupid power to her. I would suggest you find a counselor and support group who are experts in this area and have lots of experience in dealing with Narcissism. Finally filed for divorce after he got physical and got arrested…For which he still lacks remorse and putting the blame on me for every things. So I see them though I am trying to discipline myself to stop looking! On that last day I had a sixth sense feeling that something was askew. She gave me free advice but cost too much to teoresent me. Hope this helps. Thank you for this blog – super helpful – especially when I can’t find a friend to help me. He would then arrange for the child support payments to … But to the everyday passerby he is very friendly and charming and people like him but he has everyone fooled. I wasn’t dumb knew it was all game told him I wouldn’t get back with him ever and he never have me as his gf again!! Fortunately, you can take advantage of love spells without ingredients to control your love mate. At that point, it wasn’t sentimental, or even annoying. I have been using the no contact rule for 2months and yes he tried all the tactics explained. I do want to tell you, every single one of you, that YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU CAN DO IT! Reading and researching has been so helpful as I cannot ignore what he is and what has become of my life. again thank u all for all this u have posted i wish i could of done a better job, explaining to u All . I didn’t respond the next day either. I would make him dinner jus to show my appreciation. Get in touch if you know him and I’ll tell you about the sleep disturbances that continue after weeks, the violent abuse, the money spent and the life as a male escort. That was Crystal. Then when the “coast was clear” he would be right back in business with his extra activities. You are determined not to respond, because this isn’t the first time you’ve been here and you know how hard it is to get yourself back to this place, where you’re fed up enough to actually take action to end it, but you feel it, there it is, another heart string pulled. He isolated me from my friends. Worn out. Dad couldn’t figure it out (why I was so upset, why my brother was being mean). I have been with him for 16yrs and had 3 children to him but he never lived with us using many excuses that he cant leave his mum ect so I brought them up on my own whilst he visited daily, it was all really about claiming his mum’s house n leading his double life I took so much abuse mostly mentally but also physically( which then he made me feel and believed I deserved it, ugh only a narc could punch you in the face then eat his food face to face whilst your bleeding like he hadn’t done it)? I didn’t want to go no contact but it’s the only way to get the spew of evil entangled free nothing else worked even we decided to go seperate ways he always had a way to drop in convo this would never happen if you never..(fill in gaps I’m sure you been there too). I’ve discussed in previous blogs about intermittent rewards and how our motivation can be likened to a slot machine. Mine just discarded me for new supply overnight. I challenged him, and went to his level. My advice to other women is if he is not willing to go to counseling early in the relationship, does not admit to being wrong for anything, you are always being accused of something (usually made up), then you don’t have a helathy relationship & he may be a narcissistic, self-contained, anti-social, egotistical bastard! I am not proud of myself and feel like kicking myself for doing this…. So sad but relieved to know what “it” is. I realized he was very needy. Within that time Ive almost lost my house , my car , have had to cash in my daughters college fund , cash in my retirement ( im only 34) but Im a hard worker, and save $. (She left her husband for him.). Know that their problems have NOTHING to do with you. This comment may have been over 2 years ago, but you have NO idea how much I needed to see it. I do know that I will continue no contact as this is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. There i feel really bad for your situation and I hope you are getting through it. hell with these types of people, and we love them dearly, but not the same can be said I truly thought they were my friends. I went no contact about ten months ago. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 5 years. but no more of this we been no contact for 2 weeks and i feel great. They were and have been really abusive. I’m playing with fire, if he contacts me again I will have to hang up immediately I can’t take any chances of getting sucked back in. I actually married this “man” 2yrs ago next month. Please somebody help. I’m literally about to just block her from everything without a single warning and do it real fast. They only change long enough to get what they want. So if you’ve heard that they have another Girlfriend . I’m in the process of filing for a divorce. Genuine people just say something like “That’s okay. I said nothing went and knocked on door. We share nothing – have no kids – and he can GO. But holding our own so far. CHANGE. Great post. Those full of compassion and empathy and forgiveness and love. I learned a lot from that relationship but one of the most important lessons I learned is to listen to what the people who care about you think. That was one of the last straws, and I continued to be withdrawn.

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