Every possibility seems available to them. She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. I was so impressed., READ MORE:Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. What kind of man has three wives and no job? Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Image from The Star. We have an ordinary life. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. It was an arranged marriage. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Cross-Cultural Research. They also threatened her with divorce. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. Brigham Young and His Wives. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. 2020; 24: 339351. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. But the . The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. King MT. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. 2 Meet other future spouses. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. Journal of Moral Philosophy. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Now she was not ready for 3rd. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. Thats life. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Their average marriage duration was 11 years and living in the same house or compound. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. She was a nurse and divorce. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. 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"Risk"? Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. I didnt really get it, but my parents are big on communication in a weeks time I was on board. Thembi says she knows people often question polygamous marriages but shes adamant that sometimes the women gain a lot more than the men. The Journal of Social Psychology. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? His first marriage counted. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . Instituting change for women in a male-dominated society is a daunting task; however, it is essential. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. Teyana Taylor and her husband can have threesomes if it works for Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya, After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. International Nursing Review. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'.

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