Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 15 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. 1:03:21. You know what a fair drunk driving test is? Thats the whole plan. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. Okay. Thats what kind of person I am right there, 12 years old. Thats what they say. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. By creating an account, you agree to the Ill tell you this story. And I still eat tacos, but now I only eat the baby duck pussy lip tacos that you get at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills on Sunday. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up | Netflix Official Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - Netflix Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. One eyehole. I said, Let me go talk to her, so I go up to the room. 5,838, This story has been shared 5,093 times. And You Might Be A Redneck had been the number one-selling comedy album in the country for a year and a half. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? She brings these dogs home, and Im like, What the fuck? And she goes, Theyre watchdogs, Im like, What are they gonna watch? Fully-functioning organs are not necessary to watch Ron Whites new special, If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up. Ladies, if you dont like the way the cooch is looking, before you go do something that extreme, try this. Thats all you get. I I got nowhere to be. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - IMDb As Egypt's last pharaoh, Cleopatra fights to protect her throne, family and legacy in this docudrama featuring reenactments and expert interviews. Jeff sold more comedy albumsthan Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby combined. Im better at oral sex than Ive ever been and I think its just because Im older and Im just more patient than I was when I was young, because cause now Ill lay there for hours and let you do your thing. Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. Your email address will not be published. I ordered the movie. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. And right before I went on stage, I was in the green room of the main room, and they came over there and they said, Ron, they need you in the OR. I never thought anybody would fucking say that, you know? Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. Thank you very much. 6:01, gets there. Were just gonna have lunch. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. I dont need this shit. She was beautiful. 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? 'Succession' Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: "Living+", 'Succession': Tom and Shiv's "Bitey" Game is the Horniest, Most Effed Up Thing Theyve Done Yet. And The Comedy Store in LA is a really pretty big place. Legendary comedian and podcaster Marc Maron stars in his first-ever HBO comedy special filmed in front of a live audience at New York Citys Town Hall. Hes the drunk uncle of the group. Moxy and her colorful friends leave Uglyville on a quest to find a kid to love. Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. Thats all. .08 is a revenue stream for the federal fucking government, is what .08 is. And then the whole experience just started to creep me the fuck out. So I dont have go out and party money. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up TV Special 2018 1h 3m IMDb RATING 6.6 /10 892 YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 0:24 1 Video 2 Photos Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Im sure youre grateful. But why settle for fictional tall tales when you can sit back and enjoy Whites actual road stories. Now I dont know if they have a color in mind when they start, or if you just bleach it and get whatever the fuck you get. Thats how much money Ive got. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. [whispering] Did you? Do you think I fucking heard it? [sobbing] I had nightmares about it my entire goddamn childhood. Jesus. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. I started this tour a while back in Las Vegas, and while I was there, I was walking down the Strip, my wife and I, and theyre having a sex toy convention, which is one of their five biggest conventions of the year. Cinemark Don't be afraid of the gay jokes, they lead to some funny moments and even funnier stories. You were right! Well, I would marry ya, but I cant! Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! that does it for me tonight, thanks for spending part of your saturday with us. Theres nothing you can do about it. Im going to open a chain of restaurants that only sells baby goose pussy lip tacos. Im not doing that either. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! >> julia, thank you very much for that update. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'Ll Shut Up (2018) - Full Transcript Cause usually if a woman is that beautiful at 40 and never been married, either they give horrible head or theyre completely insane. The money sadly aint much better for aspiring stand-ups in 2018 than it was some two or three decades earlier for White. One [giggling] ..fucking eyehole. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. And he said that the Golden Corrals the best place to find these people cause he says thats where the really big girls like to winter. First big gig we did together was the first week in December 1996 at the MGM Grand in Vegas. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. And I wear wild socks, and So Im having breakfast in this restaurant across the street from the hotel Im staying in, by myself, and I finish with my meal, I realize I dont have any money. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - netflix.com Cinemark That aint even kind of drunk. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. Id have peed on both of them, but one of them was too fucking high and I was like, Id piss on the wall trying to piss on that guy. Apparently there were some unanswered questions in Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets. And so, White closes by turning back time to talk about a weekend in December 1996, when White opened for Foxworthy in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, while Engvall opened for Reba McEntire down the strip at Caesars Palace. Were just gonna have lunch. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. Its still the number one-selling comedy album of all time, and, uh Jeff had been my friend for ten years, and suddenly, kaboom, hes the biggest comedian in the world. Coming Soon, Regal Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 16+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. Natures most shitty critical thinkers. Thats why. My wife does yoga, and next to her yoga school in Beverly Hills, theres a spa that offers treatments that Ive never heard of. While I was in Canada shooting a fucking pilot! Youre still going to hop in that motherfucker. I know theyre perfectly content to live the way they do. Just getting her done, and He wasnt there, but the three of us were. No, no, White proudly proclaims on his fifth stand-up comedy special, and first for Netflix, that at 61, hes a raging alcoholic.. Great big old, big old, big uns. The one I saw was called, Its Just Lunch, and what they do is they just hook people up, and they have lunch, broad daylight, right in the middle of the day. You should have the person help you move all the shit out and then shoot him. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up I understand how unnecessary that was. Whats the problem? I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, What did you order? Cast Away. Im ready. Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic hall of fucking Let me try that again. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018) It was a demo when I bought it, had 350 yards already on it, but I put the other 400 yards on it myself. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Its a nickel for a hundred of em. 'Ron White: If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up' On Netflix: Review These two comics dont have any money. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction!! No other fucking animal does this. I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. Its baby duck pussy lip taco night, and get there early, because, uh, parking. Stream It Or Skip It: 'Tom Jones' On PBS, A Romance-Focused Adaptation Of Henry Fielding's Novel, Stream It or Skip It: 'Spring Breakthrough' on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries Proves We Need More Keesha Sharp, Stream It or Skip It: 'Hearts in the Game' on Hallmark Just Might Be the Network's Movie of the Year. Is that Glen Campbell or Nick Nolte? Thats all they sell. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. It's Me, Margaret' Streaming on HBO Max or Netflix? I guarantee you, when I leave the house, my wifes not dragging out a headshot, rubbing one off You look more like Steve Bannon every day. You got to quit eating them babies, maam. My beer is cold. And he had bunk beds in his room, and Joe Paines on the top bed, Danny Davis is on the lower bed, and Im on a sleeping bag on the floor, and I wet the fucking bed, and Im, like, mortified. Your email address will not be published. And word of that spreads throughout the criminal community. But let me tell you something, folks. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles From the big lip to the little lip, right over the clit, tuck in the meat curtains if you got em. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. [mooing] Welcome to our giant all-you-can-eat food trough. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. Heres what I get at three oclock in the morning when I have a six oclock flight: [whispering] Ron. [silly voice] Just lunch and a blowjob! Lady in the first show goes, Whats in it for the woman? Im like, Lunch. [high-pitched] Its just lunch. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. And as you approach these toilets, the lid of the toilet automatically opens. Thats all Im saying. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up - Netflix Whiskey and ice cubes. So if youre ever in Beverly Hills on Sunday night, go to the Four Seasons. Is she there? After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. And if youre all politically correct, dont worry. And now when I approach a toilet, and the lid doesnt automatically open, I just piss all over the top of it. I dont know. Streaming Schedule, Season 5, Part 2 Debut Info, 2023 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved, Stream It Or Skip It: 'John Mulaney: Baby J' On Netflix, The Stand-Up Comedian's Post-Rehab Return To Center Stage, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Alex Borstein: Corsets & Clown Suits' On Prime Video, Mrs. Maisel's Manager Takes The Stage To Sing And Sling Jokes, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Louis C.K. Thats all a cat has to do, is just, Pow! Theres so many dead cats on my street, it looks carpeted. And the guy that played Tarzan was a really, really handsome fella, and he was really a good-looking guy, but I was watching it, thinking, You know, if that guy from Thor, Chris Hemsworth, was in this, this would really be a better movie, cause Id just rather look at Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on. What the fuck did you just think? How much is the personal massager shaped like a big black cock? I think if it didnt keep my wife awake, I wouldnt know I had it. I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a rental car, and I was by myself, and Id had two drinks. You and her were standing in the kitchen and looked at that lime. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. And, uh this is a story my mother told me I should do on stage. Thats what I do. Lets do a couple of blocks. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! You can get married now if youre gay, anywhere in America, thats fine with me. But she was well within my budget. All right. Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. 5,093, This story has been shared 4,772 times. Somebody asked me to do this story. Im a joke writer from America. My cousin Ray, who Ive talked about on stage before, hes a real guy, he only eats at the Golden Corral because my cousin Ray only dates huge women. Sorry. You let me think, I went my whole life, that Id pissed in Joe Paines fucking bunk bed?, So my wife and I, we both tour extensively, and, uh she bought us two dogs, which, you know, just makes touring easier if you have a couple of dogs to drag with you on all those flights, and she bought us two French Bulldogs. The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. I got to go this year for the first time in my career to do stand-up in Europe, and I did shows in Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Scotland, and London. Anyway I was a bed-wetter, and I was mortified by it. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. I couldnt fucking breathe. I walk out there and get shot, her and them dogs leave out the back door, hop in the Mercedes, live the life of Riley, while I bleed to death on that fucking rug she had to have. No, this has to fucking happen. [laughing] Seems like Id have something else to say after that. Its got 750 yards on it. Now Ive got questions. And traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Leaves me shudder-crying. Well, Bills doing one show at the big Forum down at Caesars, and were doing three shows a night in a smaller room. Cause there aint no goddamn women there. And that was the first timeall three of us had our names on big signs in Vegas, and we went outside to look at it, and I was like, Fuck, now what? He goes, Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, and I said, Well, heres the bad news, Hoss. Fuck Rudders, uh Bone Depot, Shaft Crafters. But White, with a cigar in his hand and a tall glass of tequila always filled on the stool by his side onstage (a tequila brand he sells on his website, btw), remains the real character. 13,103, This story has been shared 7,786 times. And you cant un-fuck the housekeeper. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". And I dont need a new mugshot cause my last one was so good. Its like you were waiting in line for two hours to ride a roller coaster and it finally shows up and the seats are kinda bumpy and worn out. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. See production, box office & company info, Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road, The Hall: Honoring the Greats of Stand-Up, : , . I dont remember. Is 'Are You There God? A Tourists Guide to Love Filming Locations: Where Was the Rachael Leigh Cook Movie Filmed? In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. We dont even want it. Thats all I know. And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". [whooping] Um The other day, um Jeff Jeff Foxworthy and I were Jeff has a special on Sirius called The Comics Mind, and hed been talking to me about doing it. I may or may not be a little drunk. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? We go back to OLearys Pub where this whole fucking thing started. Id have said, Aint nobody gonna pay to watch fat midgets fuck fat midgets. Bullshit, theres a sequel. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Theyre watchdogs. Vaginal rejuvenation. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? Im not gonna do it. Ron White - You can`t fix stupid - video Dailymotion '", Ana Navarro Jokes About Sara Haines' White House Correspondents' Dinner Antics on 'The View': "Maybe There Will Be a Restraining Order", Sunny Hostin Opens Up About Receiving Hurtful Emails on The View: Im Not Liked By Half The Country, Sunny Hostin Shades Meghan McCain for Scathing Column About 'The View': "Our Show Is a Wonderful Place". And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. Lets go to this thing. Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story: Season 1, Link to Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Link to Asian-American Pacific Islander Heritage, Link to RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes. Maybe one day well be the big comics in Vegas, and our names will be on those big fucking signs. Shut up, youre supposed to shut up. 'Fatal Attraction' Episode 2 Recap: The Beginning & End of the Affair, Stream It Or Skip It: 'A Small Light' On Nat Geo, Hulu And Disney+, About The Woman Who Helped Anne Frank And Her Family Hide From The Nazis, 'Fatal Attraction' Episode 1 Recap: Business with Pleasure, Stream It Or Skip It: There There on Hulu, A Talky Compendium of Short Scenes with a Clever Visual Trick, PSA to David Bowie Fans, 'Moonage Daydream' Is Now Streaming on HBO, Joy Behar and Stanley Tucci Bond Over Italian Stereotypes on 'The View': "Innately Evil", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Secrets of the Elephants' on Disney+, a Typically Gorgeous and Informative Documentary Series, James Brolin Spooked by Son Josh's Nude Photo on 'The View': "Oh My God! The way they cross the street right in front of fucking cars with that weird-ass confidence. I gotta go. Im coming back twice a day every fucking day. It says, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing comes on the television. That little spot tastes like Skittles. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? RON WHITE: IF YOU QUIT LISTENING, I'LL SHUT UP | Crtica | Stand Up Im in the road! Does a Z-pattern to get across. And I double snotted my own fucking television. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boo boot leather.

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